I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
