the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize