ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
the raccoons are back...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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