i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
