Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
