he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
