At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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