i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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