I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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