i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
