Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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