I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize