Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
