I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
