if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
