Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
