if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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