Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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