My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
