We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
