He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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