I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
