the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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