Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
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I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
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Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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