There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
