September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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