my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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