So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
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