Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize