after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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