It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
