Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
