TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
