I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize