We're facebook friends in real life
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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