Do you still have your period?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
