Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize