i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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