Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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