Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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