Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
