"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
