franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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