oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
All the doctor said was why
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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