Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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