My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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