I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
