I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
