Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
