So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
