Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I forget how to act sober
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