Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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