You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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