I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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