Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
