Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
