I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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