so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. š
Iām torn. Sheās crazy - like legitimately āWear your skin as a suitā crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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